Embarrassing Subliminal Crush

For most of my life, liking people has been disastrous. Not just with romantically liking people, either. I was the new kid in 5th grade and I scanned the room for a new friend. The girl I chose, Crystal, turned out to be mean and completely uninterested in being friends with me. At the end of the year, I consoled myself with the knowledge that she had no friends in the class, so it wasn’t all me. But still!

I totally and completely blame Hunny for my most recent embarrassing crush moment. His favorite basketball player, Steve Nash, retired last season and Hunny was on the hunt for a new orange ball handling hero.

As you know, Hunny is my best friend. We tell each other everything. In my quest to be Hunny’s dream wife, I actively listen and do my best to participate in all his interests. Even ones that are not particularly interesting to me. I know almost as much as Hunny knows about Steve Nash: he’s Canadian, plays basketball for his country in the Olympics, has a set of twin children, plays soccer in the off season, won NBA MVP or Player of the Year twice, was a spokesman for Vitamin Water, drafted to the Pheonix Suns, he was traded to the Mavericks, played for the Suns a second time, friends with my favorite former Duke player Grant Hill, and retired with the LA Lakers. Once he chose Kevin Love as his new basketball athlete to watch and revere, I was ready to memorize.

Hunny shared all the Instagram posts with me: training camp, visiting sick children in the hospital, charitable events, goofing around with teammates, pictures of him as a child, and being jersey “0” for the Cavaliers.

Love. 0. Like tennis. Cute.

Flash forward to the ’14-’15 NBA Playoffs. Kevin Love was injured in one of the first games. Hunny called me into my parent’s den to see the announcers of the game commenting on a picture of him giving the thumbs up from a hospital bed.

Sorry your guy is injured. Maybe he’ll get better and play in another game.

Hunny informed me he was out for the playoffs, and I felt sorry for him.

What happened next is a shocking blur of events. I don’t quite remember all the details.

One of the final games, possibly THE final game, I watched with Hunny at our house. I was watching while reading and every so often Hunny would yell out, “Look! It’s {fill in the blank with some athlete or celebrity or sports figure who no longer plays}!” and “Watch this replay!” I also looked  up once in a while so that if Hunny asked if I had seen “that play,” I could confirm I had seen whatever play. At one of these moments, I saw Kevin Love watching the game from the sidelines.

A 14 year old fangirl voice practically screamed, “LOOK! IT’S KEVIN LOVE!” I felt my face catch on fire at the realization that I was pointing to the TV. That voice came from me! I looked over at Hunny, who was looking at me, completely horrified and stunned simultaneously.

I didn’t know he was out of the hospital, I mumbled.

“What was that?!?!”

I don’t know!

Looking back, I think it was all the visiting sick children and charitable work with kids that got to me. I’m a sucker for a man who’s kind and caring to children (Hunny works with children and is kind and caring to them, by the way). I still don’t understand how I developed a crush on Kevin Love without my knowledge. How did that even happen?

He does look like he could be Hunny’s twin. And their moms have the same name. How weird is that?

Needless to say, Hunny is not a Kevin Love fan anymore. He likes a player for the Charlotte Hornets, Frank “The Tank.” I don’t remember his last name and I’m not going to learn it, either.

Thirsty Thursday: Satisfied

I have been feeling like I’m lacking as of late: lacking accomplishment, lacking recognition, and just lacking in general.

A couple months ago, I heard Psalm 145 being read on the radio. The entire Psalm spoke to me deeply, but one verse in particular caught my heart.


You open your hand, You safisfy the desire of every living thing. Psalm 145:16


Wow.

Blades of grass have desires. Birds have wants. Even single celled organisms have desires. And God, in His infinite kindness and love, opens His hand and satisfies them.

Our desires are different than those of amoeba, but God can satisfy them. God grants our prayers. I have not been faithful in praying about my desires. I haven’t been looking to God to satisfy my deepest wants. I’ve been looking to someone powerless, incapable, and finite to satisfy my desires: me.

My friends and family always come to me for help. I am always there. I pray, I encourage, I do everything I can to push them closer to their goals and dreams. But I can’t do it for myself. I asked Hunny why I can’t help myself. Why can’t I “make things happen” for myself?

God satisfies the desire of every living thing. He wants to satisfy my desires. He wants me to look to Him, because He can do it! Even if I succeed in my own strength, it will be hollow, an empty victory. How can I bring glory to God when I am not relying on Him fully?

Ask God to satisfy your desires. He wants to do it. He wants to open His hand for you and demonstrate His power and love. Let Him.

A (Slightly) Morbid Valentine

I had planned on posting about making sugar cookies for my snowed in neighbors. I had planned to blog about Random Acts of Kindness and how kindness is needed. But my father-in-law called. Hunny’s Aunt is in the hospital. She may or may not be having a heart attack. His Aunt has five children and has been their sole parent since being widowed this past summer.

My maternal Grandmother died suddenly in September 2009. I never got to tell her goodbye. I was unable to attend her funeral. Despite these grim facts, I know she knew that I loved her. How do I know this? I was the only grandchild who sent her a Mother’s Day card that year. I know this because my mother told me she made a big deal about it in a phone conversation they had.

I almost died this year. On January 29th, I started bleeding. I bled so much that I passed out in the bathroom at home. I bled so much that I lost Yeeyum’s brother. I bled so much that I passed out in the ER. I bled so much that I needed more than four bags of fluid. I almost bled to death. But I didn’t.

When I thought I would die, I did not have any regrets in regards to my relationships. My husband knows I love him. We don’t have the finances to go on lavish trips, regular dates, or buy each other nice presents, but he still knows that I love him. Yeeyum is almost fifteen months old. He knows, as much as he can, that I love him. Cupcake and the rest of family know that I love them. My friends know that I love them, too. Even people I don’t care for know that I love them (Because I do love them. Because God loves them.)

No one is guaranteed tomorrow. If there is anyone in your life who you haven’t told you love, tell them. If you haven’t told someone you care for them lately, find a way to show it. Someone you love may need the encouragement. Someone you know needs to hear this. Maybe you need to hear it:

You are LOVED.

 

Saving Mr. Banks (Disney on Disney)

I love Disney; I love period pieces; and I am beyond excited about Saving Mr. Banks. As a small child, I loved Mary Poppins.  There is home video of me and my brothers singing “Stepping Time,” and if I knew how to convert VHS into digital, I would share it on the blog.  I reviewed Mary Poppins for my 30 Days, 30 Movies challenge, and while doing research on the film, I found that P. L. Travers left the premiere in hysterics over how Disney ruined her book.  I am so looking forward to how they portray this in Saving Mr. Banks, if they portray it at all. The Disney company has a tradition of taking stories and changing them to fit a “feel good” paradigm (have you ever read or seen the original The Little Mermaid? Gruesome).

In preparation for watching the film, I am reading the book and I will review Mary Poppins with Hunny this go around.

Are there any movies coming out this holiday season that you are looking forward to seeing?

Having a Baby = Temporary Brain Damage

Before Hunny met his future trophy wife (that would be me), he had some less than stellar employment gigs.  One was at a retail store that no longer exists.  This work environment was brimming with estrogen as only three or four employees were male.  Adding a good looking nice guy into the mix created some kind of explosion resulting in creepy stories about lockers, inappropriate behavior, and my being thankful that he didn’t work there when we met.  

Of the plethora of female colleagues, Hunny found someone to crush on.  This girl was the definition of trouble.  A dress code was created and enforced based on her wardrobe alone.  Not surprisingly, she totally destroyed a section of his heart by having relations in his apartment with one of his friends (true story).  

Fast forward a couple years and he meets a sweet, imperfect girl with big dreams and an even bigger heart.  They fall in love, get married, become a one income family, have a son, become a zero income family, and move out to the country.  Rewind to a few weeks ago.  Hunny gets invited to a baby shower.  It’s for his former manager from the nonexistent store.  ALL his former coworkers are invited.  He asks me if we should go…  

What would you have said?

I said, “If we can make it, let’s go.”  

Really?  Really.  Why in the world would anyone want to go to something like that?  

I’ll tell you why.  I am a writer.  I have a feeling this baby shower is going to be rife with material I can store in my brain to use in the future.  I am sure they are going to share the most interesting stories about their lives.  Also, Yeeyum (that’s what Cupcake calls Peapod, so that’s his name here now) is the cutest baby boy in the world, and I want them to see the adorable person God made through Hunny.  

But what about the girl with low moral fiber AKA Hunny’s former crush?  What if she’s there?  

I guess you’ll have to find out what happens tomorrow.  The baby shower is in the afternoon.

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Emergency Diaper Bag: It contains diapers, wipes, pacifiers, and a thermometer. It’s meant to stay in your car, so if you forgot something in your everyday bag, you have it.

Thirsty Thursday: You CAN do it!

As my Hunny and I are reading through the Bible, God is speaking to me and my current situation.  I haven’t really talked about the writer’s block and general feeling of self-loathing I’ve been dealing with for what feels like years, but has really been months.  I know that God created me to write.  I’ve written since I could hold a crayon.  But lately, I’ve been feeling like a fraud and a failure.  The words won’t come out.  I’ve tried almost everything of which I could think.  Giving up was my last resort.  I thought maybe if I quit for a while, I’ll be able to write again in the future.

Then God said this:

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you everywhere you go.  ~Joshua 1:9

God originally said this to the Israelites to encourage them to continue on and enter the Promised Land.  God knew the road ahead for them.  He knew that there would be battles to fight, kings to overthrow, and walls to break down.  He also knew that they had no reason to be afraid.  God was with them.  He gave them victory.  He will give us victory in the things that He has for us to do.  So I’m getting off the internet to work on my writing.

Be strong and courageous.  God is with you.