My 30 Days, 30 Movies extravaganza seemed like a great idea at the time. I would watch the film, do some research on said film, and post it up on my blog. Easy peasy, right? Not so much. My life has been more hectic since I started this endeavor than it has in several months.
First of all, this couple I know who is five months pregnant with their first child together found out their baby has a life threatening birth defect. The doctor gave them the option of terminating the pregnancy. I was devastated when I found out they had made the appointment to deny their baby a chance to live. I wept over them, the doctor, and their baby. I prayed that God would give that baby a chance and rallied all the people I knew to pray over it. I found out about it on a Thursday. The appointment was scheduled for that Monday. God moved, and on Saturday I got the wonderful news that this baby was given the chance to live. Praise the LORD!
During this critical time, I had some surprising news of my own. There was the possibility that I would become a mother. This made the troublesome news I had been given even worse. I would just cry over that baby and cry about being a mother. Hunny was excited for the possibility, and I was dumbstruck. But we live in a tiny one bedroom apartment! What about my writing? What about Cupcake? How am I going to do this? Does God realize what’s going on right now? That last thought made me laugh. God knows what’s going on right now. God knows what kind of mother I could be. God knows we live in a tiny one bedroom apartment, and He knows where we’re going to live in five years. God knows. Hunny’s exuberant optimism and my asking God to give me the ability to do His will, baby or no, made me excited and hopeful about an addition to our family.
In all this turmoil, I had to put on a brave face. My brother-in-law is getting married this year, and my mother-in-law decided to throw a bridal shower in two weeks, which gives people who might want to come hardly any notice at all. Not to mention, my future sister-in-law showed me her choice for my bridesmaid dress. It is absolutely lovely, but it is a form fitting dress, which poses a huge problem. Where will the baby fit in this dress? I didn’t want to tell anyone other than the most essential people that I might be pregnant, but I decided since there was a better chance than not that I was pregnant, I had better let the bride know I needed a dress that David’s Bridal calls “Maternity Appropriate.” I found a dress so that she wouldn’t have to and let her in on my secret. She was very gracious about it and happy for me.
Even though it was a little disappointing, I found out yesterday that I will not have a child in nine months. God knows. He always does and He always will.
All this made for a tumultuous couple of weeks. Throw in my blog, and I got behind. The weight of everything was getting to me, but God reminded me of something:
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27
The peace Jesus gives is one that passes understanding (Philippians 4:7). It is a fruit of the spirit that God grows in you (Galatians 5:22,23). I can choose to rely on His peace, or I can freak out about everything around me. I’m choosing peace because freaking out makes for an extremely unhappy life.
Peace be with you!