Breakthrough or (How My Little Pony Gives Confidence)

Last night, Hunny and I had to run a quick errand.  Statesvegas doesn’t have much in the way of shopping venues.  Especially for staple items like razor cartridge refills.  Hunny refuses to return to the Walmart here.  It is awful.  The people who work there are friendly most of the time, but the patrons are terrible.  We have witnessed a pregnant lady almost get run over by a group of people with a shopping cart.  That is just one of many crimes against humanity we have endured at this Walmart.  Almost every time we went, Hunny vowed never to return and then a few weeks or months later when we needed something on the fly, he would say, “Let’s just stop by Walmart,” only to vow never to return.

In an attempt to break the cycle, we walked down to Walgreen’s, which is only a few blocks from our apartment.  I’ve never really shopped there except to get pictures printed.  I have heard coupon ladies say that you can get good deals at Pharmacies.  Well, not on a last minute purchase.  Or without a coupon.  Almost fourteen dollars for four razor refill cartridges?  I don’t think so.  I wasn’t about to pay that much and decided to get them later.  Hunny had the great idea to go to Kmart.

After I picked up my razor refill cartridges that were four dollars less with tax, I asked Hunny if we could go down the toy aisle to see if there was anything we could get for Cupcake as a surprise.  Hunny passed a My Little Pony that had a crown, wings, and a button on its behind.  Hunny succumbed to the “TRY ME” in big letters, and he pushed the button.  The My Little Pony said, “You’re beautiful.”

I said, “Thank you.  I feel beautiful.”

After the words left my mouth, my brain came up with some other things to say, “I mean, I don’t really feel beautiful.  I’m not beautiful…  You’re kidding.  Beautiful?  Who me?”  But I couldn’t say those things out loud because I did feel beautiful.

I haven’t felt beautiful since I was five years old.  I didn’t get teased until middle school, but I had some mean comments made about me in elementary school that really effected me.  I didn’t even feel beautiful on my wedding day (I hated my hair and make up, but being the pacifist I am, I just went with it instead of change it).  Years of teasing, being friends with people who say mean things pretending they’re jokes, being in relationships with people who made me feel unworthy really warped my perception of the way I look.

When I would say that I was an ugly duckling or say something about my looks, my mother would always get mad at me.  She told me I was pretty.  My real and true friends think I’m beautiful, but my view was so warped from all those years of listening to other people and being told by magazine covers and television that I wasn’t close to good enough.  I felt like I wasn’t even close to being average looking.

But that was a lie.  I am beautiful.  I am not beautiful because I fit the description of the perfect woman.  I am beautiful because God made me.  I am beautiful to Him.  He chose my almost blindingly white complexion that freckles or burns instead of tans.  He chose my dark black hair that as a child I prayed would turn brown.  He chose my freakish large head that can’t fit a hat.  God appointed all these attributes to come together and be the body to house my soul.

It took me two decades plus a few years to be able to see myself as beautiful.  I always knew I was beautiful on the inside, but now I can see that I am beautiful on the outside.

You are beautiful, too.  I’m sure you know that.  But just in case you haven’t heard it today, you are beautiful.  If you don’t know you are beautiful, ask God to show you.  Pray that you will see yourself the way He sees you.  Imagine how you feel wearing your favorite outfit with your hair and makeup exactly how you like it.  It feels great, doesn’t it?  It pales in comparison to how great God feels when He looks at you.  He adores you and He knows you are beautiful.

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