Naturally, I have trouble sleeping at night. I remember being four and wishing I could watch TV with my parents. As a teenager, I just kept my light on and wrote or read things or whatever. In college, I was kind of an insomniac on the border of having an ulcer. It only took me one semester to consume a giant container of Rolaids. Anyway, now I’m a happily married lady who lies in bed while her love snores away (I wouldn’t give you up for the WORLD!).
While I was lying in bed, I thought about something my Hunny’s friend asked on facebook, “How would you live your life if you only had one day to live?” As a Christian, I’m supposed to treat everyday as my last and live it with the intention of giving God the glory and being a source of comfort to the world. I don’t treat everyday like it was my last. Honestly, if I died tonight, I wouldn’t feel bad about my life. I’ve made mistakes like every other human being, but I am doing my best and that is all I can give. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t be sad to leave Hunny a widower. It is devastating to think of Hunny being on earth without me. That is not the point. I wouldn’t do anything differently with one day. I realized that if I had six months to live, I would do things differently.
If I had six months to live, I wouldn’t care that I had six pounds to go to be my goal weight.
If I had six months to live, I would want to have scripts left behind that Hunny could sell or make. Half written scripts, log lines, and fragments of story ideas can’t be made or sold. This would mean that I would have to get over myself and the writer’s block with which I’ve been dealing.
I would want Hunny to know how important he is to me. I would take more pictures of Cupcake with me. That way when I’m gone, she’ll have evidence of me in her life. There aren’t a lot of pictures of us together because I am so particular about the way I look in pictures.
If I had six months to live, I’d want to go to France. I’m a big francophile and have been since kindergarten. I would never, ever ask Hunny to get into a bad financial situation so that I could go to France, so even if I had six months to live, I would “go” to “France” as I will next month for my birthday. I’ll share that with you when I “go.”
If I had six months to live, I’d want to see my friends more. I don’t have any friends in the town where I live. All my people live in other cities. I would definitely make time to see them more often.
For the next six months, I’m going to be living as if they are my last. Don’t worry. I’m not going to go on crazy shopping sprees or gain all the weight I lost back. I’m just going to do the things that I would want to do if I were in that situation. And although the paranoid part of me wonders if this is a bad idea, like I’m asking God to take me in six months, the other part of me thinks that it is great. If God does take me in six months, then I have done all the things I wanted to do.
If you had six months to live, what would you do? Would you do anything differently?