Dread Upon Dread

As a follower of Christ and a believer that God is Love, I don’t agree with hate.  I do not believe that someone who is truly a follower of Jesus Christ can hate anyone or anything.

However, there is one thing that I can say that I have trouble not hating… Being sick.  Does anyone enjoy being sick?  Can anyone honestly say, “Being sick is great!  You feel like crap and you can’t do normal things like breathe without wanting to take a nap.  It’s the best!”  Thankfully, I haven’t been sick in about a year.  God has kept me healthy and I am beyond thankful for that.

Our neighbors have the flu.  We live in a building that was turned into apartments (I know that sounds cool, but it is really not cool at all).  My mom told me to use Clorox wipes on all the door handles to get out of the building, but we’re out and my cold addled brain forgot to take the Clorox wipes my mom offered to let us use.  I don’t think I have the flu though… At least, I hope I don’t.  I’m praying that I don’t.  And I’m taking Mucinex and Dayquil to keep me from totally keeling over in my attempt to live.

Being sick takes a toll  on every part of a person.  I am a sensitive person.  I am overly compassionate and empathetic.  I cry for people I don’t know.  It can be really embarrassing.  When I was a teenager, I learned to control my emotions and turn that off, but stifling myself was not the answer.  I’m trying to embrace that part of me.  My hunny loves that part of me, and he finds it endearing and special… Except when I’m sick.  When I’m sick, I’m even more emotionally sensitive.  Yesterday, my hunny went into Walmart to grab those medicines for me and asked me to stay in the car.  It was unseasonably warm and even with the windows rolled down, I was sweaty.  He left his phone in the car and I saw that it had been twenty minutes since he had gone into the store.  I thought it would be a good idea to go inside and find him, since he was probably stuck in a long line somewhere.  I walked all the way from one end to the other, and I realized we must have missed each other somehow.  So I turned myself around to walk back, and there was my exasperated hunny.  He said, “Why didn’t you stay in the car?  I thought someone kidnapped you or something!”  I burst into tears in the middle of Walmart.  I felt so awful for making him worry about me, I couldn’t even speak.  I felt so guilty and was so upset thinking he was mad at me, I cried uncontrollably.  He kept asking me why I was crying and I couldn’t tell him.  All I could do was cry.  He assured me that he was not mad at me and if the situation had been reversed, he would have done the same.

I hate cannot tolerate being sick.  It’s the worst.  But at least I’m not crying today, so I think I’m on the road to recovery!


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